If you’re a licensed therapist specializing in relationship counseling, such as a marriage and family therapist (MFT), this list of the best relationship counseling books is for you.
This wide range of book recommendations by sex and relationship experts will help you learn new strategies and practical exercises to enhance your skills as a couples therapist. For example, learn more from relationship books about things like attachment styles, love languages, effective communication skills, building deeper intimacy, and more.
💁 In this guide, you’ll find out more about the following recommended best relationship counseling books for therapists:
- Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer
- Is That Clear? by Zanne Gaynor, Kathryn Alevizos, & Joe Butler
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Polysecure by Jessica Fern
- Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
- Desire by Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill
- Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
- Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
- All about Love by bell hooks
- Be Not Afraid of Love by Mimi Zhu
- Platonic by Marisa G. Franco
Why read some of the best relationship counseling books?
Mental health clinicians, particularly licensed MFTs, will get a lot out of reading and sharing some of the best relationship counseling books available today. These book recommendations cover relationship books that explore many of the essential components of any healthy relationship, including: effective communication, mutual understanding, security, desire, love, and more.
MFTs will find some of the best relationship books that will resonate in their own lives, as well as books they can utilize to help enrich clients’ relationships with their loved ones and themselves.
Let’s dive in together.
1. Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer
Drawing from the principles of nonviolent communication (NVC), Sofer updates the practices of NVC to incorporate mindfulness practice. Therapists and clients will benefit from the application of his steps of presence, intention, and attention in personal and professional relationships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Professionals and patients who are looking for new tactics in effective communication will get a lot from this book.
2. Is That Clear? by Zanne Gaynor, Kathryn Alevizos, & Joe Butler
This guide to “effective communication in a neurodiverse world” is essential reading for neurotypical people everywhere. Too often, the onus is on neurodivergent folks to mask, adjust, and accommodate the communication styles of neurotypical folks. Gaynor, Alevizos, and Butler make the argument that this imbalance in communication accommodations should work the other way around. They offer practical tips for how neurotypical folks can help facilitate more effective communication that better fits how each individual’s different brains function.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Neurotypical therapists will get actionable insights into how to better communicate with their autistic, ADHD, and otherwise neurodiverse clients (and colleagues!) to help them feel more safe, heard, and seen.
3. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
The concept of The 5 Love Languages may seem like a social media trend born for the age of Instagram and TikTok, but the concept was first introduced back in the early ‘90s. Chapman’s classic is one of the best relationship books to categorize the different ways that people express and receive love. For example, two potential love languages are quality time together and physical touch. These insights can help couples understand the unique love languages that each of them possess to make their relationship work.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Therapists may find the lessons in this book useful to recommend to clients, particularly those in couples counseling who are struggling to find common ground in how they give or receive love.
4. Polysecure by Jessica Fern
This book on “attachment, trauma, and consensual non-monogamy” has been one of the most talked about relationship counseling books of recent years. With clear concepts and an easy-to-follow structure, Fern’s book is the first of its kind to apply the concept of attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships. Regardless of their relationship structure — polyamorous, monogamous, monogamish, open relationship, or otherwise — this groundbreaking guide will help clients learn more about their own attachment styles and how to cultivate healthy attachment in their relationships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Polysecure will enrich and expand therapists’ understanding of attachment theory and provide new tools for supporting patients on their relational paths. It’s an especially useful resource for therapists new to working with clients in non-monogamous relationships.
5. Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
Although primarily aimed toward an audience of cisgender women, this book written by a licensed sex therapist has revolutionized the way people of all genders can make sense of each of our body’s unique sexual functioning. With easy-to-comprehend science and case studies presented in a conversational style, Nagoski breaks down myths about the physiology and psychology of sexual arousal and pleasure and how we do or do not connect because of it.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
As this book urges readers to normalize sexuality in its many forms, therapists may find it most useful to recommend to clients who’d benefit from internalizing that transformative perspective.
6. Desire by Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill
Subtitled as An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships, this book written by two licensed sex therapists and relationship experts takes a new, radical approach to improving imbalanced sexual relationships, regardless of the individuals’ ages, genders, sexualities, or relationship structures. Mersy and Vencill’s evidence-based relationship therapeutic techniques and exercises can help more people discover new ways to expand and embrace their sexual health.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
This book may be particularly validating and useful for therapists to recommend to LGBTQ clients in couples therapy who too often don’t find inclusive books on healthy queer sexual relationships.
7. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
Written by one of the most celebrated voices in sex and relationships, Mating in Captivity explores eroticism in the realm of domestic life in a way like no other. Relationship expert Esther Perel utilizes sex-positive psychotherapy to introduce new perspectives on connection and passion for people in long-term relationships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
MFTs may find Perel’s work particularly useful to recommend to clients in marriage counseling who are searching for renewed passion in their long-term relationships.
8. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
This is the self-help book that originally made the concept of codependency accessible for the general public. Beattie’s classic is a compassionate look at this commonly misunderstood struggle, and offers solutions for how to heal from codependent behaviors and relationships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Therapists may find this to be a useful supplement to therapy for clients struggling to understand codependency and its recovery process.
9. Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
Sometimes, when we’re in a complicated relationship, all we want is for someone to help us ask the right questions, so we can figure out how to make a decision about what to do next. This bestseller from the ‘90s provides that useful resource for people looking for clarity about whether or not to stay in their relationships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
MFTs may find the straightforward questions in this book to be a useful diagnostic to incorporate into sessions with clients in couples counseling who feel ready to take action but are unsure of what the next step is for them.
10. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Written by Dr. Sue Johnson, the clinical psychologist who developed emotionally focused therapy (EFT), this book explores the science of attachment as applied to romantic relationships. Framed as “seven conversations for a lifetime of love,” the tools Dr. Sue Johnson offers practical exercises to help couples navigate emotional intimacy and nurture a secure attachment bond with each other.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Along with Polysecure, this is another useful resource for MFTs and their clients to gain new perspectives on attachment in relationships.
11. All about Love by bell hooks
“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving,” writes renowned intersectional feminist, bell hooks. “When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” This exploration of love in its many forms is an affecting, thought-provoking read for therapists and clients alike.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Lessons like the central premise of this classic theoretical text — that love is an action, not just a feeling — are likely to resonate with MFTs and enrich the ways they approach working with clients in couples counseling.
12. Be Not Afraid of Love by Mimi Zhu
Zhu’s “lessons on fear, intimacy, and connection” compose a powerful, tender memoir-in-essays. As a survivor in the wake of intimate partner abuse, their stories and reflections examine love and healing through a social justice-oriented lens that readers of theorists like bell hooks will particularly appreciate.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Therapists interested in exploring concepts like love and intimacy through theory and memoir will appreciate Be Not Afraid of Love as an addition to their studies.
13. Platonic by Marisa G. Franco
Who says relationship counseling can only be for romantic-sexual partners? Friendship takes work, too, and psychologist Marisa G. Franco explores that work through the lens of attachment theory in Platonic. This book includes actionable advice to help adults make (and keep) more fulfilling friendships.
What will therapists take away from this relationship counseling book?
Romantic relationships can thrive when the individuals also nurture their connections outside of the relationship — especially friendships. This is a great book for MFTs to recommend to couples struggling to make those connections.
FAQ | Best Relationship Counseling Books
Why is it useful to read some of the best relationship counseling books?
MFTs and other therapists can gain valuable insights into the essential components of what makes successful relationships work. For example, some of the best books on this list of book recommendations focus on strategies for effective communication, mutual understanding, earned security, rekindling desire, and explorations of love.
What are some of the best relationship counseling books about communication?
- Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer
- Is That Clear? by Zanne Gaynor, Kathryn Alevizos, & Joe Butler
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
What are some of the best relationship counseling books about attachment styles?
- Polysecure by Jessica Fern
- Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
What are some of the best relationship counseling books about desire in sexual relationships?
- Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
- Desire by Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill
- Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
What are some of the best relationship counseling books about navigating dysfunctional or abusive relationships?
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
- Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
- Be Not Afraid of Love by Mimi Zhu
What are some of the best relationship counseling books about love and connection?
- All about Love by bell hooks
- Platonic by Marisa G. Franco
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Ada Peng
Ada Peng is a spatial data analyst and Chief AI architect at Orchid. Before joining Orchid, Ada honed her skills as an engineer at HNTB. Beyond her professional accomplishments, Ada is actively engaged in the tech community, organizing AI and healthtech meetups in San Francisco and New York. While pursuing her dual master’s degree in City Planning and Urban Spatial Analytics at UPenn, Ada founded the Urban Studies Workshop, showcasing her commitment to fostering innovation and leadership.
